Money and Marriage: 5 Tips for a Stronger Marriage

Ever feel like money and marriage are like two magnets with opposite poles? You're not alone. Money ranks as the top argument-trigger for couples and often sneaks just behind infidelity as a cause for divorce. It's no surprise that when money steps into any relationship, tension comes along for the ride.

Picture this: You're head over heels for your partner, but when it comes to merging your lives and finances, it's a rollercoaster. Both of you come from different life experiences, interpreting money matters in your unique ways. This means clashes on how to handle finances are almost inevitable!

No matter how much you love your spouse, trying to merge your lives—and "his and her money"—can be a bumpy (but still beautiful!) ride. After all, you both are coming from different life experiences, and the way you perceived and internalized those experiences was probably very different. That’s why you sometimes have two very different views on money!

So, give each other grace. And use these seven steps to build bridges, not burn them:

1. Keep a joint bank account

Some couples believe that maintaining separate checking accounts can dodge money conflicts. His paycheck goes one way, hers another, bills paid separately—seems fair, right? Nope. This practice sets the stage for significant issues in your financial and marital life.

Hey, in marriage, it's a team effort. No more "his" or "hers." Remember the part where they said, "Two become one"? Splitting bills and segregating money? Bad call. It's a recipe for future money and relationship problems. Say no to separate accounts. Merge everything and view it as a collective resource.

2. Recognize your difference in personality

Everyone’s money mindset is different, and opposites tend to attract. Chances are, one of you loves working with numbers (the nerd) and the other one would rather not be tied down by what the numbers show (the free spirit). One of you might be the saver and the other is more inclined to spend.

Listen up, financial nerds. Don’t keep the money details all to yourself. And stop using your “knowledge” to boss around your free-spirit spouse. If you’re the more carefree spouse, don’t just nod your head and say, “That looks great, babe.” You have a vote in the budget meetings! Give feedback, criticism and encouragement.

News flash: You’re both on the same team here, so work on the budget together! Use your personality differences to become a stronger, more united team.

3. Don’t let salary differences come between you

Unequal salaries? It's common. But higher income doesn't equal higher authority. It's "our" money, not yours or mine. There’s no reason to hold a higher income over the other’s head. you're on the same team. Start acting like it.

On the flip side, the partner earning less or managing childcare may feel their input carries less weight. I have friends who are stay at home moms' some of them express guilt when it comes to financial discussions or spending beyond essentials. However, remember, you're a team. You hold an equal say in your financial decisions and marriage. And let's not overlook the invaluable contributions of stay-at-home parents—you're already delivering substantial savings for your family in numerous ways!

4. Discuss your lifestyle choices together

Imagine you prefer shopping at Goodwill for wardrobe updates while your partner enjoys buying pricey name-brand items. If your income doesn't support lavish spending, this mismatch can pose a problem.

In marriage, compromise matters. If one prefers high-end items, consider outlet malls for affordable name brands. The key is to ensure that your lifestyle is in sync with your actual income, rather than your aspirations. It’s important to avoid pursuing an Instagram-perfect life when your bank account doesn’t align with it.

5. Don’t let the kids run the show

Your children are requesting the latest video game, and you’re considering it due to their recent good behavior. However, your spouse is unhappy because it’s not within the budget. This situation can lead to an impending money argument, which can be uncomfortable. It’s important to remember that kids have a way of bringing out the way couples view money differently, whether it’s buying them toys, giving them an allowance, or paying for their sports equipment.

To avoid such situations, it’s essential to come together, discuss, and make a plan. Decide together how to budget for the things your children need. But what about all of their pesky wants? Discuss the possibility of establishing chores and an allowance for the work they do. This can help them establish a great work ethic, all while teaching them how important it is to wait for the things you want in life!

Money and Marriage Go Hand in Hand

It’s important to stop making money mistakes and find common ground. Building a strong marriage takes time and effort, and discussing finances can be an uncomfortable or frustrating process. However, you can learn how to have more productive conversations about money.

And remember, you married this person for a reason. Believe it or not, you need their skills, insight and perspective—especially the ones you don’t have. That free spirit or nerd can bring valuable insight and knowledge to the table. They’re your teammate, and it’s time to start treating them like one.